Alcohol has been, and still is, such a big player in our society and culture. Alcohol acts as the gateway to celebrations of the new, goodbye to the old and connecting with all. Alcohol and I became very familiar with each other when I approached university. Drinking was simply a norm. It’s what you do when you go to the uni bar, it’s what you do on a night out, and it’s what you do at a bbq. No questions asked.
Overtime, I recognised that alcohol became the key ingredient to connecting and losing myself at the same time in order to belong. I didn’t drink alcohol because of its taste. I drank alcohol because it’s what’s expected. Going into a bar and not ordering an alcoholic beverage feels like a sin if you’re not the designated driver. You do it because everyone else does it. The energy of everyone’s sameness becomes so strong that you lose to recognise your own. I also recognised that I wanted to drink to “loosen up”, or have fun. Now this is an interesting reason for me because I have always felt freer whilst sober then when I’m under the influence. I guess it’s the idea of drinking to loosen up that got to me – I believed it, so I embodied it. So now im drinking to belong AND to relax.
What I have discovered along my journey is that I don’t want to become reliant on an external force to improve myself or eliminate an internal dilemma. I realised that the more I relied on alcohol to belong and have fun, the more disconnected I became to my true inner self. The connections I was making with people weren’t authentic. It was the alcohol making friends, not me. I wanted to connect from a true and honest place. I believed that if I wanted to become like the person I was when drinking, then I should focus on growing those aspects of myself from an inner perspective. I realised that when you become reliant on an external force to fix a gap in your life, you inhibit yourself from any personal growth and development. I told myself if I wanted to have fun, then I should look inwards and ask myself what aspects of me is stopping me from having fun that requires me to rely on alcohol? Was it because I was self-conscious? Was it because I was fearful of judgement? How can I work on these aspects of myself without relying on alcohol to take over? I no longer wanted a quick fix. I wanted to understand myself and grow.
Since quitting, I have never felt freer, more connected to myself and more honest with myself, which is quite the contrary to the conditioned belief of what being sober does. I challenge all you Seekers to question your cultural norms and ask yourself whether these norms are serving you to become your truest self.
Catch all you Seekers around! And remember, be kind to yourself 🙂
With love always,